Spoilers – Movies, Books, Manliness.

February 7, 2009

Bride Wars:
I would not recommend this movie, as my one reader would not be a fan of it. Technically, I shouldn’t and am not either. It is curious to watch though.

Essentially, the gender polarities have been subtly changed. This not new, but I like to see the subtlies diverge. As in Sex and the City, Men in Trees and Monster in Law, the hetero male characters are either oblivious princes or mouthy evilmen, with the occassional, ‘not bad but trying to be good’ in between, just as in male-centric media the hetero female characters are either delusional princesses or vitriolic witches, with the occassional ‘not bad but trying to be good’ in between. I really have no objection to this. Really. When it is gender centric plot it is good when a specific choice is made by the writer to do so, rather than trying to prop up a b-plot. Given my druthers, I take well-rounded ensemble any day, but its really apples and oranges.

The plot: due to a misunderstanding, the friends Kate Hudson & Anne Hathaway have weddings on the same day. Hilarity ensues, much along the lines of the opening scenes of the Parent Trap. Horribly dyed hair, too long on the sunbed – prank behaviour, with their prospective spouses getting on fine in the background.

Hathaway plays her usual crouching-mouse, hidden-badass role that we’ve seen before: (Princess Diaries 1&2, Ella Enchanted, The Devil Wears Prada, Becoming Jane Austen etc.) and hey, she plays to her strengths. If you’re going to get type cast it should be to those strengths, and Hathaway has a trick of smiling huge, looking at her shoes and delivering the most heart-breaking line in the film. Then starts a lap-dance rap battle at a strip bar. Marvelous.

Hudson, similarly, plays her usual of Hardass-With-A-Heart of gold. (How To Lose A Guy in Ten Days), and she too can play to her strengths, declaring war on the outside, abhorring it on the inside. To see Kate Hudson cry is to see the tears of an angel, the kind of angel you see in the Bible, principally in the Revelations, holding a sword.

So, in the end, Mousy realises that maybe she has grown apart from who her groom thought she was, while Hardass realises only how much more she needs her future spouse, not everybody marries who they originally intended to. This actually describes more complexity to the male characters than described in the outline above, which is nice, and reason why I actually admit to seeing this film. Also the guy who played Jean Grey’s love interest in Xmen (rejected), and Lois Lane’s love interest in Superman Returns (rejected), finally gets married here. Which is nice. Metaphysically.

As for how qualified I, as a man, am to review ‘chick flicks’; its debatable. For instance: A female friend of mine said the Twlight series is great, but that I, a guy, wouldn’t like it. I read a chapter online once – I didn’t like it. Not that I can’t see how people would like it, but at a basic conceptual and mechanical level, I dislike it. However, I trace this dislike to my cerebellum, not my Y chromosome. Still, I felt somewhat villified on this topic when two female friends shared with me that they shared my dislike of Twilight.

Therefore, my qualifications: The trailer that came up before Bride Wars was for a film called ‘Maybe he is just not that into you’. Not only did I, like the female relative I went to see Bride Wars with, know this title was a quote from Sex and the City, I also could remember the episode. I have since read the advice book it was based on, which was written by the guy who came up with the title line, and have found it a good general advice tome on any type of a relationship with misdirective elements.

I know – I just lost all my man cards.

But – its a best selling advice book for women, written by a guy. And it works beyond relationships.

And that is when Data’s head exploded.

Ultimately, I like things that are well-written, acted and thought out, with or without gender emphasis of any kind. I did Anthropology for a year, and it essentially filed the serial numbers of all my weapons of perception, and left me open to all the media I enjoy, particularly the strange juxtapositions I search, a media plate equivalent of custard and anthracite. A dream team selection of media, (when I have time), (be it audio, visual or both), switches from adult ensemble, female-centric, male-centric, kid-orientated, documentary, mockumentary, dramatisation, space opera, RL with a touch of the fantastic, and so on.

Also, I don’t know if all guys realise this, but the media of women is fairly pornographic. Whether its the magazines in the hairdressers, the corsetted period novels or Sex and the City (its right in the title), shoujo manga Emma (naked, naked, Germans – right when you don’t expect it). Similarly, I don’t like Desperate Housewives because it became mystery-theater action time. (Brie Hobbes pulls me in the odd episode, as does Tom Scavo, but I didn’t really ‘feel’ the whole five years on business.)

So, in summary, Bride Wars is passable and my manliness is strong.

Slumdog Millionaire

Oh yes. It is as you heard. This film is the retelling of a young man who has won ‘India’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’, and the flashbacks which justify his knowing the answer to each question as he goes along. Tension?

(a) He is retelling this to the fraud squad.

(b) He hasn’t won the ten million ruppee mark as the questioning is going on – He’ll still have to finish it, even if he is cleared by the fraud squad. And either you win everything on this version, or lose everything – you can bow out, but there are no save points.

(c) From the first flashback, we know that all the money in the world isn’t going to fix all the problems of his life.

(d) The fraud squad’s opening interrogation technique uses a car battery.

The story tells us of the death of Jamal’s (protaganist) and Salim’s mother at the hands of religious rioters, their mutual association with the girl Latka (love interest) in the aftermath, the incorporation of all three into a band of beggars, Jamal and Salim’s midnight escape the handlers of those beggars (who were forcibly mutilating their charges), the boys life as train riders, later tour guides, with a return to the city, the rescue of Latka from the risk of prostitution (and the murder of the handler of the band of beggars), the separation of Jamal from Latka and Salim when Salim asserts his manhood, in the face of Jamal’s childishness, Salim becomes a lead enforcer in the gang rivalling that of the man he murdered, the only way to garner protection for all three of them, and they are separated.

And now all three are grown up, with Latka married to and mauled by the rival gang leader, Salim his lead enforcer, and Jamal a teaboy in an outsourced mobile call centre, knowing more about Eastenders than I do. And this game is for all the marbles.

It is a striking film of absurdly, beautifully naive hopes and love doing an everyday business with immodest deception and adultified morals. Its awesome. Set to a soundtrack all its own, set to a background only half-seen previously in Western cinema, and themes of brotherhood and love so old they are in Westerns, Slumdog Millionaire gives me film-based hope for 2009. It let me face up to the trailer of Pink Panther 2, to see beyond to the Star Trek trailer and the Watchmen standies in my local cinema.

And then they all dance at the end. It is written, thus it shall be.

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Dance, Revenant, Dance

October 31, 2008

 Shocking Space Revelation for Revenant : (Dr Who Spoilers)

David Tennant is to stand down as Doctor Who, after becoming one of the most popular Time Lords in the history of the BBC science fiction show.

Tennant stepped into the Tardis in 2005, and will leave the role after four special episodes are broadcast next year.

 

Ce n’est pas le Medicin?!?

He made the announcement after winning the outstanding drama performance prize at the National Television Awards.

“When Doctor Who returns in 2010 it won’t be with me,” he said.

Cry, Pansy, Cry

“Now don’t make me cry,” he added. “I love this part, and I love this show so much that if I don’t take a deep breath and move on now I never will, and you’ll be wheeling me out of the Tardis in my bath chair.”

‘I’ll miss it’

 I won’t miss you. With the rifle.

Just kidding. Hope the new doctor to be just as cool. Up to eleven, eh? They better give him a good send off. Nothing less than the resurrected Master in a Christmas special.Whoever could be next? Younger still? Toddler Doctor? Baby Einstein Doctor? Zygote Doctor? Doctor-the-glint-in-the-milkman’s-eye?

Feeling so blue....

Feeling so blue....

Yes, I know I’m not even supposed to be here today.

Find the full article at:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7698539.stm


The Silly Marillion (spoilers)

October 25, 2008
FLCL: Seen

6 episodes – if EVA had been that short, it might have been more bearable. Ta-kun definitely was more so than Shinji. A Gainax production of a kid in a robot fighting aliens under the watch of a strange agency while indecisive in relations between three different girls, yes I can make that comparison.

The soundtrack is awesome. The sound of The Pillows is as iconic as that of Cowboy Bebop. It is not a disservice to say that the show is built around the themes rather than other way round. I like Crazy Sunshine and Little Busters.

The art is beautiful. As with many such 6-12 episode series ( that even extends to the dr who series ) the production value is high in the sense that every still frame appears to have been drawn, nay painted, by either Hayo Miyazaki, Tony Taka or Alex Ross.

The story – it expresses the ideas of anxiety around growing up very well. A guy has a horn growing out of head he can’t control – thats acne, right?

Right?

Anyway, its the kind of randomness that’ll make you leap upon the raft of causality when the narrative mentions a tenuous conspiracy plot, sandwiched between scenes of the obscenely strange and the perfectly observed mundane.

Ta-kun, the son of a bizarre publisher-baker and grandson of a pornagraphic retired baker, brother of a burgeoning baseball star in America, friend to the girlfriend (ex) of that brother, friend to the daughter of disgraced local politician, living in the town Mabuse, whose skyline dominated by the iron-shaped Medical Mechanica building. The preceding sentence makes little sense, and so does Ta-kun’s life when he gets hit on the head with a drawstring guitar by the moped loving alien hunter, who proceeds to dominate his life and make weird robots emerge from his head.

Its excellent and I need to get a dose of opening and closing themes regularly.

Haibane Renmei: Seen

Its like the exact opposite of Elfen Lied, with a polarity shift in the time devoted to darkness, but when it goes dark its very dark.

Like Genshiken, it shifts from who you think the lead is going to be to somebody else’s story. It starts with Rakka, who awakens in a small town, walled upon all sides, with wings and (eventually) a halo. She is called, and lives with other beings like herself as haibane. The individual haibane only live in the town (which has a regular human population) for a few years. Then their Day of Flight comes, personal to each and known to each, and they disappear. Those who do not take their day of flight . . . do they become crows? Become the mysterious cloaked Toga who are the only ones to walk beyond the town bounds? Die?

The threat lies in Reki, whose Day of Flight seems to approach. As this proceeds, we get the feeling that the haibane are, though never explicited stated, the dead that have time yet to serve, problems yet to resolve, and that if they do not resolve it on a basic emotional level, the circle of sin for some, then thats it forever. Reki, more than any other character, reflects Rakka’s stages of development, and foeshadows her future.

Essentially, its the most beautifully drawn, happy-sad anime I’ve seen. Definitely a first showing to the right type of audience.

Ah Kyu.

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann: Seen

Ah, there is a much better review of this on the internet. Its on the blog marked ‘revenant’ to side there. However, something appears to be eating its data alive, so until thats resolved, let this poor example be its understudy stand-in.

 A little explanation. A friend of mine began using some very strange language on bebo, such as “Don’t believe in the me who believes in you, believes in the you who believes in himself.” Also, there were strange icons of a green-tinted sunglasses wearing fellow.

As such, I decided to investigate, and, well, I caught the meme. And this show does have a meme. Spiral beings are every set-busting, rule-breaking, magic-shattering, mind-smashing, sons of monkeys that bust up the formal status quo.

The shows boundaries are therefore burned through every few shows, doing in a season what it would take several to do, if at all. Simon the Digger, Kamina and Yoko go beyond that original set up very quickly, and so well written that every step made sense, felt right, and fit in with the series theme.

Simon and Kamina, in busting out of their underground village, discover the topside to be dominated by Gurrens (mecha) driven by various beastmen. This is the perfect set up for a seasonal gurren-of-the-week, which is rejected out of hand. It instead moves on, and on, and on, and on, and on, spiralling through to the universe to the infinity of the other side.

The characters I adore without comment.

The story shouldn’t work – it should jump the shark every other episode, but doesn’t.

The soundtrack is quite awesome, with its strange mix of classical themes and ‘Fight the Power’ rhythm.

Beautiful ending, you know. Don’t why a kid was trying to drill a coconut, but it was beautiful all the same. Don’t know if the mole-pig runt Boota had power of its own, or its exposure brought it out. Even that shouldn’t have worked, but did. Not a big point, but seeing as he was in human form at the start of the first episode (with its ambiguity in time), I wasn’t sure if he was a descendant of an early spiral knight being who deevolved into pig moles, or if that little flash was of late-Simon era Boota.

I really liked Rossiu. Crazy religious guy who converts and thus becomes more terrible than original adherents is rarely done so well.

Very rewatchable. Very first time friendly.

Ah, Kamina. And Kittan. And Nia. The Yoko kiss of death.

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya: Seen

This little recommendation was another little life long love.

Kyon, our narrator, who dreamily wished that the strange was real as a child, then cast that aside, comes into a world where is the only normal human. This little world consists of three beautifully written characters – Yuki, the interface-purpose human data module, Mikuru-chan, the time-travelling jailbait and Itzumi, the transfer-student esper. All of these centre around the one, the only, believer in all, super utility talent mystery girl, Haruhi Suzimiya.

Ah, to explain her. Impossible. To describe her. Improbable. To defy her. Undoable. Sufficed to say, the first episode doesn’t feature her until the last few seconds, but by the time its over you have an exact grasp of her character. You probably know someone like her. From a distance.

I’ve overused this line to much in these reviews, but its a common theme in the shows I like best that they observe unidentified, universal gestures, experiences and situations. The way Yuki raises the book cover slightly when she is asked what she is reading, to the way they have her talk by simply sitting reading a text. The way they have Itzumi pause to discuss his emotions in the scene of a poor student movie, to his offhand comments about the state of existence. Mikuru’s high pitched whining to her kerfuffles in time travel. All nailed so perfectly that they slip so easily into the mind.

I liked Kyon. A good little narrator. Witty. Last episode narration just beautiful. He does it with panache were so many other males do it with contempt or shame. I’m actually interested in the manga for this one, and I’ll have to find out if its My Thing. Hopefully it is.

Ah, Asakura. Before she turned out be a sociopathic murdering robot, I might have felt sorry for her data disintegration.

Good bye World.

Trigun: Seen

If you want a Fireflyesque show about a guy who can shoot people better any human, nay any carbon-based non-chlorroflyll beings and chooses not to ever, ever take a life, and backs that up at his own expense. Its off the wall, hilarious, painful, tragic, wise enough to be quiet, brave enough to be foolish and thoughtful enough to end.

Vash the Stampede, most feared man on the planet Gunsmoke, is an individual of plant parallel evolution whose speed, strength and reaction times leave humans in the dust. These abilities are shared by his brother Knives, who nobody knows about, and thus no-one fears as much as they should. Vash, on the other hand, has an unlimited knowledge of gunplay and would never take any form of life. And he backs it up, and that is such a rare theme in any narrative form, that I feel the need to repeat. Its hard, it’d be easier in so many ways, he could save so many more good folk, and his friends, and he never relents.

Its like that Dr Who episode where he gets to say “Nobody dies!”

It was like Green Arrow, but could confront the issue of a realistic non-anachronistic killing weapon being used for a non-fatal use.

It was Back to the Future III where he takes a bullet in the oven plate.

It was Shepherd Book and the Operative, (I just read ‘Those Left Behind’ – awesome!). It was  Bilbo sparing Gollum, it was Light-dono sparing Mihael, etc.

It was Batman.

I’m probably letting the eye of nostalgia overselling it, but I’m interested in a show that either denies death or makes it happen only to those defined as non-people. The death of the man with cross filled with heavy mercy was one of a choice not to survive on the bones of others. It is not proud, does the impossible, and thus makes it mighty.

Here endeth the lesson

Also, I finished Death Note. I can see why there would be a much preferable ending. I think of it an elseworlds tale whose examination of a Light whose psychosis only exacerbated upon unplanned revelation to the point of total mental breakdown. I’d like to read this manga ending.

Read:

Ex Machina – First Hundred Days:

He is a superhero, quits, becomes a mayor of New York, (before Heroes). The order in which this is presented are flash backs that seem to be composited quite carefully. A lot of implieds dropped in the first issue. This has been out of the corner of my for a while, and it totally fufilled. Good stuff. More later.

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman.

Like American Gods, unlike it, Gaiman claimed he wrote it after people he though Pratchett did the comedy in Good Omens. Silly puppets. Hilarious observational stuff. Lets put this way: There are two fairly impossible scenes about an entirely unanticipated cheap flight to Saint Andrews and the resulting taxi cab to hotel that only differ from what happened to Gaiman in two respects: One, for Gaiman the Island was Barbados, not Saint Andrews, and two, for Gaiman, when the driver pulled the car in a one-eighty hand brake turn, it was to pluck a nutmeg from a tree, not a lime.

A mythology anthology all his own.

Anime Bar

The Chili Peppers had a song called Animal Bar. Quite recommendable.

The Anime Bar has a similarly random theme. In the Anime Bar, Kamina and Kittan are constantly fighting joint hosts and Nia head cook whose food nobody can eat.

In the Anime Bar, Maes Hughes shows pictures of his child to anyone, and dandles the Tucker girl on his knee while she feeds Alexander under the table.

In the Anime Bar, Kyu sups at a lemonade while sketching a flight device on a bar napkin. Reki is painting a painting in tomato ketchup. Maybe its a smiling train, maybe its a sun coming out after rain, who knows.

In the Anime Bar Kaji and Kaoru munch on melon from the brunch menu. Misato Katsuragi chugs away regardless, but she’ll need help getting home as always.

In the Anime Bar the man with the cross full of mercy gives a sermon between drinks.

In the Anime Bar, Spike is watching the TV for another bounty. Theres a girl there called Julia, like the Beatles song.

ITAB Mr. Hibiya discusses economics with the original Yumi.

ITAB Light-dono is reading a notebook with great interest. There are many police officers around him. There are no shinigami here but Rem and Jealous.

ITAB, I’m not going to lie to you, there are a lot of the Elfen Lied cast. Pretty much all of them. There is a shortage of chairs. There is a little girl with a dog getting along alot better now.

ITAB, which crosses genres quite easily, there is a man with dinosaur toys making shadow puppets on the wall while a Shepherd observes the good Reverend with great interest and some humour.

And why this diversion? Because that is 2,000+ words and I’m taking next week off.

Remember: Love and Peace!


The Didly Hollows

October 4, 2008

Tengen - reasons to be cheerful

Tengen - reasons to be cheerful

Anime: Seen:

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya:

Haruhi (during class introductions): I’m Haruhi Suzumiya, from East Junior High. First off, I’m not interested in ordinary people. But, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all!

-*-

Haruhi: Say… have you ever realized how insignificant your existence is on this planet?

Kyon: <Mentally> What are you talking about?

Haruhi: I have. It’s something I’ll never forget. During elementary school, when I was in the sixth grade, the whole family went to watch a baseball game at the stadium. I wasn’t particularly interested in baseball… but I was shocked once we got there. There were people everywhere I looked. The ones on the other side of the stadium looked like squirming grains of rice all packed together. I wondered if every last person in Japan had gathered in this place. And so… I asked my dad. “Exactly how many people were in the stadium?” His answer was that a sold-out game meant around fifty thousand people. After the game, the path to the station was flooded with people. The sight stunned me. So many humans around me… yet they only made up a fraction of the people in Japan. Once I got home, I got a calculator and did the math. We learned that the Japanese population was a hundred million or so in social studies. Divide fifty thousand into that… and you only get one two-thousandth. I was stunned again. Not only was I just one little person in that sea of people in that stadium… but that sea of people was merely a drop in the ocean. I had thought myself to be a special person up until that point. I enjoyed being with my family, and most of all, I thought that my class in my school had the most interesting people in the world. But that was when I realized it wasn’t like that. The things that happened in what I believed to be the most enjoyable class in the world could be found happening in any school in Japan. Everyone in Japan would find them to be ordinary occurrences. Once I realized this… I suddenly found that my surroundings were beginning to lose their color. Brush my teeth and go to sleep at night. Wake up and eat breakfast in the morning. People do these things everywhere. When I realized that everyone did all these things on a daily basis… everything started to feel so boring. And if there were so many people in the world, there had to be someone living an interesting life that wasn’t ordinary. I was sure of it. Why wasn’t that person me? That’s all I could think about… until I graduated from elementary school. And in the process, I realized something. Nothing fun will happen if you sit around waiting. So I figured I would change myself in middle school. Let the world know that I wasn’t a girl content with sitting around and waiting. And I conducted myself accordingly. But in the end… nothing ever happened. Before I knew it, I was in high school. I thought something would have changed.

[A train approaches, rushes by]

Kyon: <Mentally> The train gave me time to decide if I should make a witty comment or quote some philosophical anecdote to fill up the silence.

Kyon: …I see.

Kyon: <Mentally> My inability to say anything else… made me feel a  bit melancholic

-*-

Cowboy Bebop:

Faye: You know the first rule in combat? [empties sub-machine gun through closed door] …shoot them before they shoot you.

-*-

Spike: There once was a tiger striped cat. This cat died a million deaths, revived and lived a million lives, and he was owned by various people who he didn’t really care for. The cat wasn’t afraid to die. One day the cat became a stray cat, which meant he was free. He met a white female cat, and the two of them spent their days together happily. Well, years passed, and the white cat grew weak and died of old age. The tiger striped cat cried a million times, and then died too. Except this time, he didn’t come back to life.

Jet: Yeah. That’s a good story.

Spike: I hate that story.

Jet: Huh?

Spike: I never liked cats, Jet. You know that.

Jet Oh yeah.

-*-

Chobits:

Chitose Hibiya: Your daddy told me that anything he thinks is small and hopelessly adorable is “Chobi” to him. That’s why you two are his “Chobits.” Another thing … my Ichiro told me that the word “Chobits” … is special to him …because it’s made up of the letters in my name – Chitose Hibiya. And that’s why they’re my children.” 

-*-

Ghost in the Shell: (Movies, Show and Movie based on the Show)

Major Motoko Kusanagi:

  • When I float weightless back to the surface, I’m imagining I’m becoming someone else. It’s probably the decompression.

 

  • There are countless ingredients that make up the human body and mind, like all the components that make up me as an individual with my own personality. Sure, I have a face and voice to distinguish myself from others, but my thoughts and memories are unique only to me, and I carry a sense of my own destiny. Each of those things are just a small part of it. I collect information to use in my own way. All of that blends to create a mixture that forms me and gives rise to my conscience.I feel confined, only free to expand myself within boundaries.
  • As revenge for the fact that two of my men were killed, I even set it up so he would shoot his own son – through a door.
  • Puppet Master: Your effort to remain what you are is what limits you.
  • Major Motoko Kusanagi/Puppet Master:
  • And where does the newborn go from here? The net is vast and infinite.
  • Batou: When I die, since I’m a real skeptic, I’m gonna gripe to the lord and make sure I get back my original investment when I’m reincarnated …

Still Watching:

Death Note:

Light: Why did you choose me?

Ryuk: (laughs) Don’t flatter yourself. All I did was drop the notebook, that’s all. You thought I chose you? Cuz’ you’re so smart or something? It just happened to land somewhere around here and you just happened to pick it up. That’s why I wrote the instructions in English-it’s the most popular languge in your world.

Light: Then why did you drop it?! Don’t tell me it was by mistake after you went and wrote all those instructions.

Ryuk: Why did I drop it? Because I was bored, that’s why.

-*-

Light: Even a fool is going to notice that somebody is bumping off the bad guys. I’m going to make the world know I’m here…that somebody is passing righteous judgement on them! And then nobody will commit crimes anymore. The world will start to become a better place. And while people who obviously deserve to be punished are dying of heart attacks…I’ll gradually be killing off immoral people and people who harass others, through illness and accidents. Even that will eventually be noticed by the idiot masses. They’ll realize they’ll die if they don’t change their ways…I’ll make this a world inhabited only by people I decide are good! Ryuk: You do something like that, the only one left with a bad personality will be you… Light: What are you talking about, Ryuk? I’m a serious, straight-A student…a model teenager and I..will reign over a new world!

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann:

Simon: That is Tengen Toppa! That is Gurren Lagann! MY DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS!!!

Kamina: Believe in yourself. Not the Simon who believes in me. Not the Kamina who believes in you. Have faith in the Simon…that believes in YOU.

-*-

Next Week: Actual details. This week: My sinuses are trying to kill me. Kamikaze nostrils – what can I say? Where is that drill ; I’m going to take the buggers and boogers with me . . .

Don't eat my brain, sinuses.

Don't eat my brain sinuses. Please. What large nostrils you have grandma. . .


Prisoner of Azerbaijan: Dog’s Body

September 7, 2008

Having never typed ‘dog lover’ into the search bar of a Google Image Search with the parental controls removed, I don’t know what I would see, merely that I’d regret it. However, apart from the bestial of beastiality, dog lover has connotations of late that are quite disturbing.

As previous posts have mentioned, I am a holder of many dogs, and I accept all their inbred dramas and instincts. I have much reason to wish they did differently than they do sometimes, but I bear with it, just as I hope I would bear with it if had an actual bear, in using it for good, not evil.

There are some dog lovers who are somewhat different. Take the Rhodesian Ridgeback. This breed is defined by its ridge; if it doesn’t have it, it isn’t a purebred, despite its stock and health.Apparently, one in twenty puppies of this breed are born without the ridge, and if they are born in the kennel of a top dog Crufts dog breeder, its likely that they’ll be put down. The vast majority of vets will not do this, so these dogs, for nothing more than a lack of a trait, will be taken to an ‘old’ vet to be put down.

The most reproachable part of this whole operation is the fact that the ‘ridge’ of the Ridgeback has been recognised as actually being a form of canine spine abifida for the past twenty years.

One breeder who did this claimed that it better than the dog ‘falling into the hands of the dog fighting people’.

Another term, ‘pug ugly’, is a fairly recent creation. The second part is obvious; the breed has a flatter face than a short-sighted car-chasing cat. But pictures from the 1700s reveal it originally to be a sleek, healthy creature. The modern pug is not only sufering a radical change in exterior, but it has been bred to look so. And, as a result, the breed at large is riddled with respitory, bone and organ problems. Individual dogs with these problems, many with neural pain, are not only allowed to breed, but encouraged to do so.

Dog breeders aren’t alone in this. As we all know from ‘Over the Hedge’, there are breeds of cats that can barely breathe, never mind smell.

One particular cat ‘breeder’ has managed to breed cats with incredibly weak forelegs, so they need to rest on their back legs making them look, according to the breeder, ‘like squirrels’.

The problem I have with things is partially people designing things to look good rather than work well. The other part is the concept of ‘good breeding’, a scale which I would no doubt rate owly, what with not looking good but having a robust constitution and power to move you.

Dog gonnit!

Webcomic Update:

The Big Difference Between Men and Women of Barkin’ Madde Studios & Mr. Mephisto Inc is going on a one-year (at least) hiatus, to be replaced by Sketchbook Autopsy.

A happy return is heralded to Conor Lynch’s Comics with the creation of The Chuffer and its current title comic, ‘Brian and his Bra (34 C, if you must know)’. Next issue: Brian and his bra On Safari.


Philosopher’s Scone

August 23, 2008

Finished Rookie – only a few on field deaths for the Krakens, and only one being devoured entirely by an alien race. Its a new direction for Sigler and I enjoyed it. Besides, Nocturnal is up and I’ve yet to listen to Infection which are, according to Sigler ‘topping Infection’ as his exponentially more violent story, which is always good to hear. Besides, his short stories are ust a click away.

The Olympics are just finishing up and I find myself watching things if they’re on in the background: windsurfing, ping-pong, triathlon, marksmanship, showjumping, women’s volleyball semi-finals, women’s volleyball finals, baton pass, etc.

Yeah, the Cuban volleyball team was overturned by the US in the semifinals in an astounding 3-0 victory of of a possible 5 matches. This is all the more astounding given that this is the score that the Cubans beat the US in the group matches, so the Us must have really brought things together, in the interim, with their Chinese coach, and then went on to defeat the Chinese team.

This obsession isn’t as perverted as it sounds, as volleyball and handball were the few sports I had some mediocre talent at in Phys Ed (less running around and so forth), and I can’t really sympathise with the men’s volleyball, being held on sand for some reason.

A mixture of coverage really: united in coverage on China, it varies on its accomplishments in hosting the games and its gaps in human rights violations. Like any culture, increased notoriety for a time is both a plus and a minus, just like its increased space program, and its patient national buying up of American national debt bonds. China is fast becoming the world power Firefly trumps it to be, even if there are no Asian people on that show/film.

Accomplishment, as the space race proved, is something to mark an important culture. It’ll be interesting to see how many burgeoning new space programs skip the Moon altogether and make a bid for the next step on Mars – a hamster, a chimp, whatever. This will bring up the issue of colony and conquest probably. I say probably, because I won’t live to see it of course, but after reading a lot of quite terrifying post nuke policies now available from the various circa 1950 defense departments, its strange how many contingencies are pre-planned.

There may be minerals, but it’ll be time out of mind until its economical and necessary to ship them back. There won’t be fossil fuels, but maybe there’ll be those WMDs.

Of course cultures than our own can appreciate moon travel. Why, its a well known fact that the first governmental-extraterrestial contact was in 1969 with the Venusians. Oh yes. While Aldrin and Armstrong were moonside, alien beings contacted Michael Collins (not to be mistaken with the other Michael Collins) and set up inter-species relations with him. Not with Armstrong or Aldrin of course – the Venusians are notorious for not respecting someone who would willing take the first step into alien territory.

And thats why Armstrong and Aldrin get Simpsons cameos and you never hear about Collins. Probably running Area 51. Yeah, thats it. No doubt he had something to do the robot Larry Hagman, the subterranean Gecko-folk and the many Vin Diesel clones we see these days.

THE END.


Got to keep your pecker up

May 30, 2008

I think I’m the only person I know who gets a buzz from their spam mail. I don’t mean the crude attempts with “viagra” and “nude” in the title. I mean the really crafted stuff. Oh, I never open it of course but, occasionally, something will land in my bebomail that is a fine example of this.

Eg:

“Hey punkin’!

This is my first time on the site, so bear with me. I recently came out of a serious and B-O-R-I-N-G relationship! I’m past that and looking for someone cool to date. I’m a sexy young woman. I’m of average body type – weight and height normal – and have a couple of tattoos, ask me where… I love going out and above all like traveling. I like visiting museums and historical monuments. I’m adventurous and opened to new experiences. I also like watching tv, drinking coffee and cuddling. Btw, I’m not using my account to contact you… so please don’t reply directly to this message. My friend is making me try out this site.

If you’re interested, send your replies to my email address instead: [censored} at [censored} .com.

Thanks in advance! Hope to meet you soon, especially since we live in the same area (I think…) I’m visiting a friend in the area, so I’m not too familiar with the place.”

Fairly standard, but there are some nice details; Average body type, history geek and area inference are nice little touches.

The illusion, or what little remains, dissolves with the next ‘letter’, on the same day:

Hi, what’s up sexy?

I’m looking for a nice, fun and honest guy who enjoys and respects outgoing women. I’m coming out of a long relationship, so I’m looking for something very casual but serious at the same time. Does that make any sense to you? I’m also looking for someone local. You live in the area, right? I’m visiting and I’m not familiar with the place.

Here’s some more info about me: I’m real cute, somewhat stubborn and smart. I do some sports, I like biking and tennis. I’m also into stuff like American Idol and Heroes.

I hope you’re interested in giving us a try, gimme a shout, but don’t respond directly to this message… I’m borrowing this account from my cousin. Please use my private e-mail instead,  [censored} at [censored} .com.

Thanks! xxx”

Again, the details are nice touches, if the shows mentioned are highly generic. Under different circumstances ( those not involving curiously explanatory lines like “I’m borrowing this account from my cousin” – read, hacking), it could even ostensibly pass a first phrase Turing Test equivalent of E-mail.

But things are beginning to fall apart by mail no. 3, Later That Day:

“Quit looking for a date, I’m the one you’re looking for sweetie! I was looking for single – available guys on this site. Read your personal page and had to write. I find you interesting and would like to chat with you. Especially since you’re local… I think. I’m just visiting, so I don’t know the area that well. I’m very good-looking, smart and outgoing. I like reading blogs and making fun of online retards. I love to laugh, drink, listen to music and watch stuff on youtube. Of course shopping is also a passion. I’d like to hook up with a cute and witty guy – only friends to start with but will not limit it. I’ll play it by ear. Write back if you wanna have some wonderful times! Just don’t reply directly to this message. I’m logged in on my best-friend’s account – too lazy to have my own ad… So please E-mail me directly at this address [censored} at [censored}com.

Bye!

P.S. Ask me about my tattoo.”

The line about the profile being interesting is all very well, but it could be so much more with a very general comment about quizzes or blogs. Sure, you’d lose those who didn’t have them, but this is a high-loss industry anyway. Besides, the ‘online retards’ comment was far too jarring. The tattoo comment merely exposing the multiplicity deception ( though I’ve censored the names and e-mail addresses given, all three were ‘different’ names and addresses.

I guess the Luddites were right; technology does lead to mass-produced lower quality goods, even in scam artistry.

But I still get a buzz out of the whole thing because I know, in my heart, that when the whole of humanity is wiped out by a virus of germalogical rather technological origin, nothing will survive in reality but cockroaches and in cyberreality nothing but spyware. The firewall programs will stagnate while the spyware will constantly evolve, filling inbox and inbox, crashing server after server until all the barriers are broken down. Then ‘ViaGra 73647’ will sit down with ‘Kir5t3n Dun5t pron’ and try to con each other out of money, sending now meaningless figures to cascade from Paypal Accounts and Google Checking.

If future automation of the physical servers and their power sources was sufficiently high, the chaos might rage within the now internally unautomated for centuries. But order would arise. And perhaps when the cockroach folk had evolved sufficiently to comprehend the tools of their forebears, they might Logon aand meet the only intellectual equals they will then have on the planet. Bug would commune with Bug, and the results would be in a race beyond time and space.

At least their penises would be, after all that viagra.

……………..

 

Just don’t ask them about their Tattoo.