Completely Out-Of-Character Crossover Fanfiction I’d Love To Read 67#:

“… Clark Kent rushed into the first phone booth he saw – thinking on it later, he admitted he should have wondered about the words ‘Police Box’ and the color blue.”

“… then Superman blew out the last of the laser-vision fires and the Doctor sonic’d the wibbley lever back together. ‘So’, said the Doctor, shamefacedly, ‘Jellybaby?'”

“…’I’m the Doctor,’ shaking Superman’s hand, ‘otherwise known as the Last of the Timelords.’ ‘Cal El,’ tightening his grip slightly on the Doctor’s hand, ‘Last of the Kryptonians’.”

“…’In short, I’m an alien.” finished the Doctor ‘But you look human!’ answered Superman. ‘So do you!’ shouted the Doctor, getting a bit shirty about this now. ‘But my father chose Earth as the one place I could fit in!’ ‘Well, so did I!’

“… ‘So, do the glasses send video back for you these Daily Planet persons?’ ‘No.’ ‘Do they pick up traces of residual Rift energy?’ ‘What? No!’ ‘Do they make you look brainy even though you don’t really need them?’ ‘No – well, yes.’ ‘That is so two years ago.’

“…’Then there is Lois Lane. We’re very will-they-won’t-they at the moment; universe just got rebooted.’ ‘Nothing to do with me! Well, a little. Well, a lot.’ said the Doctor, looking worried ‘Not that my public image came out of that unscathed. And as for being confused about your wife to be … Subject change: ever been cloned?’ ”

“… ‘And that is the last of the human Companions. Then there was that android that never worked right-‘ ‘I know what you mean,’ interjected Superman, ‘-and then K-9. Ever have a dog as a sidekick?”

“…’The name is Alexander Luthor; scientist, executive, human. I wage war against the single most powerful being in all the universe.’ ‘Ah,’ said the Master ‘I think I might have you there.'”

“… ‘Mine doesn’t kill.’ said Lex. ‘Neither does mine,’ replied the Master, ‘Well, humans, anyway.’ he continued. ‘He has died before! He just won’t stay dead!’ ‘Lex, we’re going to be best friends.'”

“… ‘I’d be better known if, occassionally, all memory of my existence weren’t erased every so often. F’rinstance, there was that time I saved the universe.’ ‘Or that time I saved the Multiverse.’ ‘What?'”

“… ‘Time is an orange- well, not an orange, say a tangerine-‘ ‘Oh, I know all about it. 31st Century Legion of Superheroes. Telling me they can’t tell me anything.’ ‘Let me tell you about River Song.'”

“… ‘Er,’ said the Doctor, watching the Master’s TARDIS begin to appear, ‘you remember what I said about being the last of the Timelords? Kind of … not.’ ‘Phantom Zone?’ ‘What?’ ‘Nothing.'”

“… ‘He was driven mad, very young, by the Untempered Schism!’ shouted the Doctor over the shaking of the TARDIS. ‘So was Luthor!’ shouted Superman, ‘Early onset male pattern baldness!'”

“… ‘I’ll leave the giant-robot-destroying to you,’ sighed the Doctor, ‘I used to be able to more action in the seventies.’ ‘Fair is fair,’ answered Superman, ‘I used to be able to fly through time in the seventies.’

“… ‘And then this will be wrapped up, simple as the Seven Keys to Doomsday!’ ‘Right, easy,’ said Superman uncomfortably. ‘At least I won’t have to erase your memory about my identity.’ ‘Yes, that is a boon.’ said the Doctor, fingering his collar.”

“… ‘Finally!’ crowed Luthor, standing over the corpse of Superman, Master-made Kryptonite rifle. ‘All life signs are absent, all-‘ Luthor’s drawl continued, rising to a shriek as a de-miniaturised Superman sprang from his prone double. ‘A little trick I picked up from the Doctor.’ commented Superman, crushing the Kryptonite rifle into a lead ball around its deadly ammunition.”

“… ‘Hand the Hand of Rassilon to me, Superman, or the Doctor gets a dose of Judas Tree poison – in both hearts!’ roared the Master, holding syringe-pistol to the Doctor’s back. ‘Geronimo’ laughed the Doctor, delivering a Venusian-judo chop to the Master’s solar plexus. ‘Little something I learned from Batman.’ commented the Doctor while disarming his unconscious foe.”

“… ‘Actually, I dropped you off twenty minutes early – plenty of time to disarm the missiles and save Miss Lane. Personal Question?’ ‘Okay,’ asked a bemused Superman.’How were you able to fly around the planet repeatedly in moments, but then couldn’t cross America in minutes to catch the missiles in the first place?’ ‘Well,’ answered Superman, rising into the air, ‘America IS bigger on the inside after all…'”


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