Daftwager Twitter: Day 38

28 Days Later; Day 38:

07:00; The Whitby Resurrection Project continues, aiming for summer. Chief finances come from pirates, politicians and even the French government, who turned to money when death threats didn’t work.

07:30; Receding waters have revealed various treasures of R’yleh. Jewelery by no human hand made. Devices whose function is astounding, but require tentacles to use. A ‘Buddy Cthulhu’ statuette. Money.

08:00; The ladies have decided to set up a permanent franchise of La Pantalon Rouge in Paris, with strict direction from the Whitby office, to whip these cheese-eating surrender-monkeys into sexy shape.

08:30; Apparently the Parisian Office will have the high standards of its mother office; a degree in the sciences, a healthily buxom body, cunningly bilingual and a basic flight training course for moving house.

09:00; The new Whitby Windmill may transform into a mech. A green-haired, purple mascara man named Leeron is helping with the design. Apparently he knows Mecha Nick . . . personally. Blackmail?

10:00; Sky’s the limit with the flying mech. When the LRP’s rich clients let them drown, the LRP people became decidedly unromantic, and have photos of those clients in the most interesting positions . . .

10:15; . . . the ‘stink-beetle’, the ‘avocado’, the ‘messiah’, the ‘vitamin B-4’, the ‘taking tea with the parson’ (with all three inflatable tigers), the ‘Implausible Name 6#’ (with the special sock puppets!) . . .

10:30; . . . and the flying goggles with the eggwhisk! So said clients are very willing to cough up the cash to keep the keeper of the photographs, video & DNA evidence happy. So long as it is within budget.

10:45; Oh wait, we’re blackmailing them! What budget! Let me see . . . lets have those superconductors made out of gold . . . and those crystal recorders made out of diamond . . . sentient monkey-butlers …

11:00; My position in the house remains the same; standing at the new blueprints board, sitting at the bureau de change, and upside down & leaning to the left in Open’s bedroom. Known as the ‘cartwheel.’

12:00; Lunch, the sound of silence. Pete Pequod receives a lot of pro-pirate propaganda for picaresque corporate raiders by his heroic actions, particularly in this time of anti-pirate popular feeling. All roses.

13:00; Received an Instant Messenger Pigeon. In Doctor I. Nation’s handwriting. He thanks me for mentioning Paris. Dirigible rocketed equatorial before splashdown. Lucky for him it used to be a life raft.

13:10; Washed up on an island unmarked on the lifeboat’s maps. Gondola wrecked on rocks. Supplies suffused with salt, compass is rusty. Lucky for him, there is fair weather and a lot of available food.

13:20; Unlucky for him, the island is inhabited by cannibals. A spontaneous regeneration solution for his face has extended to his body, and the islanders find him a god that can be conveniently ‘meat-milked’.

13:30; The irony of a zombie doctor eaten by cannibal natives is not lost on him. He has sketched a rough starmap of his current location. I tried to kill him. He expects no rescue. Everyone else is dead.

 13:40; I stare at the map for some time. Then I fold it over and place it in my pocket.

13:50; I give the pigeon to Canary Mellow, an LRP man with a degree in ornithology and specialty for watching birds while they do whatever they pay him to watch them do. Apparently its doing their do-do.

14:00; Dinner! My staff ‘mourned’ my apparent death by having a wake (inherent Irish idiocy). Drinking my gin, not noticing the zombie siege and eating my supply of stoat steaks. Chestbursters all. Yuck.

15:00; Other people had adventures. Eldritch fenced with Nation after I left the Spiritualist Church. The TransmoGreyFriar converted the army to kicking zombie ass in the name of the Lord. And . . .

15:30; Peter Barker and Cliff Kent had to fight off a horde of sentient clams trying to raise Cthulhu, lead by none other than . . . John Lobster. Glad I stabbed him now. Well, moreso. Its a seaside town thing.

16:00; I bet Captain Nemo never had to deal with Kraken-sized dread spawn in clam form. The French wouldn’t know an ethereal beast if it played the theme from ‘Revenge of the Overfiend’ on their insides.

17:00; Paris! Slow season, but bustling with risk! Adventurers; Paradigm, The Deadly Light Shade, Ninja Bob Roberts, the Count de Rabelais, Beaulingerie & ArtDecollatage and the Defenestration Stations.

17:15; Scientists; Maxine Min, ‘Saint Bright, Cartouché, Sir Claude Claustrophile, Paine V, Verne’s All-Seeing Being, Parvenue, Morgue Ann, the Symphony Sisters and the Oklo Effect Ska Band & Vocals.

17:30; ‘Heroes’: Joan Justine, The Beast of Our Lady, Lovechild, and Les Jeans d’Armes (Binary Janus, Stiletto Steeltoe, Corpus Crystal, The TGV, Cataflaque, The Musk of Fear) and Les Jeunes d’Armes.

17:45; ‘Villains’: The Red Lady, Psylent Film & the Monochrone, Wrothchild, Fin de Siecle, The Scarlet Pimp, Marion & Annette, the Marquis de Made, Catacomb, En Fou, and Lucien & his ten Chiens.

18:00; The police finally caught my Sick Note saviour. The details are too complex for here, but sufficed to say – if you find a Sick Note, it is a dead giveaway if your boy/girlfriend develops nymphomania.

18:10; News: “The Keisatsu-cho, apprehended ‘Sicko’ during Golden Week. Viewing cop badge numbers through a sniper-sight, ‘Sicko’ subsequently hacked the police files for their true names and faces.”

18:20; “As the quick-fire short hand of the Sick Noter rattled off coma and diahorrea for approaching police forces, specialist help was called in to backup on ground troops. Police were finally aided by …

18:30: … British transfer student Magical Grrrl, the secrecy of her identity and her ability to enliven and empower her stuffed animals with a smack of her wand being crucial to the capture of the sick fiend.”

18:40; “In the heat of the battle, Gothic Lolitamer, fellow foreign exchange student and nemesis of Magical Grrrl, appeared, seized the Sick Note and attempted to write Magical Grrrl’s secret identity inside.”

18:50; “GL was foiled at the last moment by cubbyhole-sized stuffed-cub Mental Ben, MG’s mightiest magical plushie, whose precise psychic attack and hair-pulling strategy won the day. Much rejoicing.”

19;00; Pity I won’t be able to use the Plunderwear hack to summon a Sick Note again, but I shouldn’t rely on people who hole up in clocktower with a notebook. Also, nice to see local kids make the news.

20:00; Highly tempting to inject Robespierre and Voltaire with rejuvenation juice and have them duke it out by the light of the moon. But Days of the Dead are strictly forbidden here. A lot of shallow graves.

21:00; Occurs to me that “You tried to kill me” and “I expect no rescue” may mean something other than pleas for forgiveness. Nation is immortal. I study immortality’s limits. He may want me to finish the job.

22:00; I pass the map to Jerry “The Big” Dipper, amateur astrophyscist and professionally acclaimed amourist. I ask him to specify a rough viewing point on earth from this view. When sniping, aim to please.

23:00; Whitby’s reopening shall be led by my reception of medal from Mayor Ward. Hopefully he is still in the double-foot cast and sitting on an inflatable doughnut, or he may just strangle me amid awarding.

00:00; The ‘animatronic Daftwager’ was a Tintin parade balloon. Shall never have a my body-image represented by a big blimp. But Open tells me that a part of my body that is definitely a big blimp. Oh my.

00:30; Suddenly, have better things to do than to plan Tintin theft. A better someone to do.


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