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Day 2:

07:00; Self-portrait Dirigible claimed by illicit night-time activity. Modesty and self-disgust forbids me to elaborate, but sufficed to say that the keeper of the parade ballons is (a) a hereditary position which, given its dullness, promotes in-breeding, (b) a warehouse with very, very low outer walls and (c) has a very, very homely daughter/sister.

08:00; Dirigible moored on tennis lawn until I think of something to do with it. If anyone asks, present from the parade balloon keeper on conception of new grandson/nephew.

09:00; Well I am tired. That’ll teach me to seduce a keeper’s daughter before dawn. A brief rest to restore my mental energies.

10:00; . . . .

11:00; . . . .

12:00; Dear Lord Lucifer, take me now! What fresh cacophany is this? The parade? But, that was at noon wasn’t it? Wait, it is noon! Why did I sleep on so long? Why am I sweating? Why is my arm throbbing –


Oh, yes – the gangrenous infecti-!

13:00; . . . .

14:00; . . . Now, despite rumors to the contrary, I did not just buy a crown at the costume palace and ask people to start calling me the King of Town. I earned my title the same way I earned a free combo meal: by purchasing one of equal or lesser value. I also did not ever try to eat my own mustache . . .

15:00; . . . For example, there’s a spell listed entitled Against every Wild Animal, Aquatic Creature and Robbers. In the event that you are simultaneously attacked by a wild bear, Aquaman and the Hamburglar, this spell will have your back . . .

17:00; . . . “Now becomes the the past in an instant — and everyone will eventually die! Destiny triumphs over human knowledge and goes mad! That is the way of things! I spit upon this frail, crazed, world! I spit upon the Second Law of Thermodynamics!”

18:00;“‘Blasphemy’? Before what, ‘God’? A God repulsed by the miserable humanity he created in his own image? I will not be shackled by the failures of your God. The only ‘blasphemy’ is to wallow in insignificance! I have taken the refuse of your God’s failures, and I have triumphed!”

19:00; “Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence- whether much that is glorious- whether all that is profound- does not spring from disease of thought – from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect.”

20:00; “Everyone’s always in favor of saving Hitler’s brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooooh, suddenly you’ve gone too far!”

21:00; “Voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?”

22:00; . . .

23:00; Ah, yes, that is under control now good. Grew a tad delirious from infection. Butler summoned the good Doctor Ingot Nation. After I had raving for some hours. He claimed it was hard to distinguish my demented ramblings from my usual self-addressed speeches. Being of such a lower education than I. Cute. Very cute.

I throttled him lightly on the throat, or some other such insignificant place. Quite weak as a kitten of course, so damage was minimal. The brief apoplexy was merely a cry for attention, I maintain.

00:00; On the mend apparently. My juvenile and senile benefactors sent me a bevy of healthy fruits to my sickbed, my promised parade attendance – absence alerted their attentions. Grateful actually – not that their inquiries prompted Butler from his homicide by negligence, (he is far too much of a coward to have carried it much further, that panty-waist), but it did give me something to throw at him when he stood outside throttling reach.


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